Drive That Car Like You Rented It

Because I don’t have enough going on in my life, last week whatever powers are in the great beyond — and I believe in God, because old white men run everything — sent me a wreck.

No one who’s ever met me, online or in life, will believe this, but I was NOT flying down the highway at 100 miles an hour, swerving in and out of traffic (actually I don’t do that anyway), one hand on the wheel and the other changing CDs ( I DO this, but I wasn’t at the time). I was inching my way onto a road from the interstate, and the truck in front of me stopped a little sooner than I expected. I think I hit him at 5 or 10 miles an hour. The sound was certainly dramatic, though.

I was lucky on several counts. The guy’s truck was totally unhurt; the driver himself was the nicest guy in the world; my car wasn’t so totally disabled that I couldn’t get it home. I bashed the living bejeezus out of my passenger headlight, though, and knocked the grille in, and my car leaked something pink all the way home and all the next day. A few people who are more knowledgeable than me about cars — which is to say, everybody — seem to agree that it’s either brake fluid or power steering fluid. I’ll take their word for it. All I know is, it seemed like my car was bleeding.

So now I’m driving a rental, a very nice, very new American car that is totally inferior to my beloved Camry in all ways but one. Yesterday I knocked the ignition off with an accidental touch of my knee. The CD player keeps playing even when the key is OUT. It feels like it’s moving much more slowly than my car, which is making me speed even more than I would anyway. The mileage is about equal to my car’s mileage. Ironically, the only way this car is better than mine is its hypersensitive brakes, which means if I’d been driving this car instead of my own, I never would have had an accident.

So, to recap my last several weeks:

1. I still don’t have a job.

2. My rent is due next week.

3. My dryer broke and I’ve been going to a Laundromat. More to come on this. It’s a shame to have this experience and waste it by not writing about it.

4. My boyfriend found out he had an aneurysm in his heart, and is still recovering from the surgery to repair it.

5. Two people in my family are still gravely ill.

6. And now I’m stuck with a rental, for I-have-no-idea-how-long.

Stay tuned. Hurricane season starts shortly.

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14 Responses to “Drive That Car Like You Rented It”

  1. Come live with the Rizzutos! We won’t charge you any rent!

  2. TheOtherIvy Says:

    It may be time to call a priest.

  3. Laundromats smell nice. And they’re warm. Probably not a good thing in summer, but still, the smell is there.

  4. I still remember teh time my husband hit me. With his car. I was in my car at the time.

    He was *supposed* to let me know if my brake lights were working — and I thought he’d use words to do this, mind you — so as we approached alight turning yellow, it made sense to *hit the brakes* (right?) and thus display them.

    When *he* sees a yellow light, it doesn’t mean “caution” it means “Hurry up before I turn red!” He hit the gas, I hit the brakes, he hit my car.

    I had a 1973 Satellite Sebring Plus; he had a 198something Dodge Omni. My car had a little invisible crack in the taillight lens, but we had to replace the entire quarter panel on his.

  5. You sound like you’ve been going through lots of trauma and drama in your life, like me. Different trauma. Different drama. Still stressing. Still depressing.

    Gee, I can rhyme. All must not be lost.

  6. Bunny Dixonjugs Is Daners' Bond Girl Name Says:

    Old white men ruin everything”

    Hahaha *snort*

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, lady!

  7. Maybe we should all get together and perform some sort of “appease the gods” ceremony – maybe it will turn the tide for all involved. I’m thinking there should be offerings of wine, lots of wine which of course will have to be sampled in order to determine it is fit for the role.

  8. monet100 Says:

    Some days we’re the bug. Some days we’re the windshield.

    If you need a little vacation in TN, you know how to get a hold of me. We could sit around and eat ice cream and commisserate together. ~k

  9. madamedonna Says:

    I’ll outbid ~k and offer you a respite at the beach. C’mon stick your toes into the Pacific Ocean.

  10. pandemonic Says:

    You can come live with me, but if you’re that bad a driver, I don’t think we’ll let you use one of our cars. I don’t think the fleet insurance would cover you… 🙂

  11. fleurdelulu Says:

    I followed a trail of breadcrumbs and found you here…Hope you’ll still be here when you leave bubbleville

  12. So, everything’s going swimmingly? Good to hear!

    My washer’s broken. If we take your washer and my dryer, we have our own laundromat.

    I rearended someone Thursday on the way home from daycare. Not much damage, but I feel like a giant dumbass. When I consider how often I talk on the cell/drive and text/drive, or other such dumb things and DON’T get into accidents, it makes my stupid tiny fender bender that much more insulting. I wasn’t doing anything. Except not braking, apparently…

    You’ll find something soon. You’re hot, smart, and you have expensive red lipstick. What other job qualifications do you need?

  13. Sending up prayers, and good thoughts.

    You could move in with me. The economy doesn’t suck so bad here, and I have a working washer and dryer.

  14. You poor creature! I had no idea things were this bad… your life sounds like mine except you have a boyfriend and I don’t.

    Cheers and Well-Wishes.

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