Joe Blow Eats at the Green Cottage: What the Hell?

I’ve been exposed to far, far more daytime television than is good for me during this stint of unemployment. While I’ve successfully avoided soap operas, there have been a few casualties: I’m now a sometime watcher of the “Today” show, God help me, and I’m hooked on “Meerkat Manor” since the “ER” reruns have gone into the show’s boring, original cast-less years.

Another casualty is exposure to commercials.

There’s this lawyer — in this case, the term “ambulance chaser” would not be an inaccuracy — who advertises liberally during “Today,” and it seems every morning, while I wait for Ann Curry to give me the news, I’m faced with this guy. He’s technically an insurance chaser more than an ambulance guy. He stands in front of a backdrop with his firm’s logo printed on it, exhorting anyone who’s ever stubbed a toe at work or caused a small accident while drunk to call him. That’s fair enough: it’s what they all do. I imagine the kind of law schools that would accept these guys (and by the way, why are all the men so, uh, generously sized? Maybe they should literally chase a few ambulances) have classes on how to shill in front of a camera.

But what interests me is the fine print.

One morning last week I read the fine print under the “Joe Blow Law Firm” logo, and was, frankly, intrigued. Among the usual required information, like where to find his office and what states have licensed him, is the following sentence, apropos of nothing: “Joe Blow enjoys eating at the Green Cottage.”

(It’s not really the Green Cottage. It’s a cheap-ass steak house. But if Joe Blow enjoys eating there, I’ll be nice so I don’t get sued.)

I’ll say it again, ’cause it’s freaky: “Joe Blow enjoys eating at the Green Cottage.”

Now, this was not your average everyday fine print.

I’ve been trying to figure this out ever since, because now it’s all I watch for on his ads, buried early on in the fine print beneath Joe Blow’s ample gut. Is he advertising for the Green Cottage? Does he own stock? Maybe he’s being evicted from his office and wants to give potential clients a heads-up: Hey, if the office tells you I’m at lunch, you can find me here! I don’t know what it means, and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t find anyone else who has a better idea, either. Did he win a lawsuit for the Green Cottage? Did he lose a bet with them?

Can anyone out there shed some light on this? I want the Joe Blow business explained before I have to go to work and concentrate on, you know, anything important.


11 Responses to “Joe Blow Eats at the Green Cottage: What the Hell?”

  1. Daners Isadora Says:

    ““Joe Blow enjoys eating at the Green Cottage.””

    I want a Tshirt that says this sooooo bad.

    Meerkat Manor? Really?

  2. Daners Isadora Says:

    Oh, hey, to help with the unemployment, here’s a fab site courtesy of my friend, Jennifer.

    I could do it. It would be fun. If they pay as much as my current job, hell, I’m in!

  3. Hell, anything’s better than going back into retail…

    Yep, Meerkat Manor. The only off-putting thing about it is it’s narrated by Sean Astin. Samwise Gamgee talking about meerkats, I kid you not — if it was still on in the evenings, I’d have to have a beer.

  4. I think he’s advertising. But I like your theory about him losing his office.

    Should I be jealous that you and Daners are hanging out without me?

  5. Daners Isadora Says:

    Wanda, I still love you. I do. I really do.

  6. Nope — you’re always invited. You’re the original who dragged me out of the shark-infested waters, remember? (Even if I keep going back in with the sharks against my better judgment.)

    This still messes with my mind. Also, there are, like, half a dozen Green Cottages in my part of the state — ol’ Joe could at least specify which one he’ll be at…

  7. They probably pay for part of the ad.

  8. Huh. I didn’t think of that. But it’s such a fluke — the only reason I saw the fine print is I was semiconscious with a migraine and I just happened to let my eyes fall on it. I can’t exactly be their target demographic…

  9. I think Joe Blow owns the Green Cottage and he’s killing two advertising stones with one bird!

  10. pandemonic Says:

    I think Corina is right.

  11. OK, I can see that — maybe he’s too cheap to buy an ad for the GC and decided to sneak it into the fine print.

    I like the idea of some potential client walking up to ol’ Joe at the salad bar with his arm in a cast…

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