Just Another Broke-Ass Writer Trying to Make it Through the Holidays

OK, I’ve got some important decisions to make:

1. Rent or medications? Hmm… The rent seems non-negotiable. My landlord will certainly notice if I don’t pay it. Plus, I love my house. Meds are important, too, but then again the side effects are starting to turn my brain into that lime-green vegetable crap my asshole cousin’s wife used to bring to every Christmas dinner. I bet I can cut back a dose on the migraine cocktail. And the blood pressure drug. Uh, the birth control pill is non-negotiable, though.

2. Cable or groceries? This one looks easy. Groceries, of course. I can’t eat the cable. It’s probably not covered in their sorry-ass service plan if I did. On the other hand, I don’t eat a lot of stuff I fix here — just cereal, oatmeal, Cokes, cookie dough straight outta the fridge. You know, the food groups. Besides, I can’t lose “The Closer,” especially since the writers’ strike is going to screw me out of all the shows I usually like (I’m supporting you guys, but damn, hire a Teamster to negotiate, this is taking too long). I could buy “The Closer” by the season on DVD, but if I had that kind of money, I’d be writing something else. Besides, buying the DVD costs almost as much as the cable, but without the Food Network. That settles it. John is now in charge of all my food.

3. Cat food or DSL? Spike still needs to lose about a pound before I take him to the vet in February.

4. Gas bill or power bill? See, this is a tough one. The power bill is lower, but it also covers stuff I can get around. It’s cold as hell here right now (I’m a southerner; I’m thin-skinned), so I bet the fridge and the freezer would still keep things cold enough. And my iPod runs on a battery. On the other hand, I’d have no DSL and no cable, and we’ve already covered those. I blame the gas bill solely on George W. Rich Oil Crony Bastard Bush and his rotten friends. Wonder if I can declare the gas bill on my taxes? At any rate, here I sit with the thermostat lower than I ever expected to set it. Fuck: I’m turning into my dad.

5. Gas in the car or water bill? The environmentally sound choice does not live here. Either pollute the planet or exacerbate the drought. I vote for Season One of “The Closer.”

6. Christmas presents for friends and family, or a balanced checkbook? Yeah, like I remember how to balance a checkbook. Besides, if I’m good to my family and friends, it’ll be less humiliating when I ask them for the rent later on. “Hi, Aunt Doris! That’s the sweater I got you, isn’t it? Wow, it looks great on you. Anyway, I have a favor to ask…”


18 Responses to “Just Another Broke-Ass Writer Trying to Make it Through the Holidays”

  1. Geeesh, I got seasons one and two of The Closer, on Half.com. Willing to loan. Just say the word. And I haven’t even watched ’em yet. You can always dial down cable to basic-basic (under $20) till the writers come back.

  2. I can postpone the decision, too, since the mini-season finale of “Saving Grace” is tonight and tomorrow night, and being taped even as I type…

  3. I’m sorry things are so tight. We just went through all that, and it sucked.

  4. Yeah, it’s my own fault, too. Of course, that won’t make it much easier when I have to eat the family of mockingbirds in the tree by my living room window.
    Someone better be suckered into hiring me soon!

  5. Regarding point 1: Please suggest that bigcocky read my article entitled “Valentine’s Day” (here on wordpress).

    Regarding point 2: Groceries of course. TV sucks. By the way, chocolate is considered a grocery item.

    Regarding point 3: Yes. Well. I think both of those are critical.

    Regarding point 4: Move here. It is illegal for the gas company to shut off the gas during winter.

    Regarding point 5: Water bill. Take public transit. Better yet, take public transit to the gym and shower there.

    Regarding point 6: Have you considered regifting?

  6. Seeing that comment above (by me), I’m almost offended at how serious I sound. Oh well. Sorry about that.

    I’ll think of something silly for next time.

  7. I’ll hire you. We have snow to shovel. Or, you could help me organize my shoes. I really need help with that.

  8. Ina, it’s a deal. You might want to warn Gus that Spike is coming with me, though…

    BGG, your seriousness struck me funny, so all’s well. I’m going in search of the Valentine’s Day column sometime today.

  9. jojovtx1800 Says:

    I have had to make unpleasant decisions such as these, I opt for the funnest ones.
    Candle light is very romantic.

  10. jojovtx1800 Says:

    Oh yeah, I saw a commercial van today with a Tiger logo, and it said “Tiger Eye” on the side of it. Dont know what they do.

  11. We got rid of cable and signed up for Netflix – it was a good exchange but you’d definitely have to keep the DSL – they have lots of awesome stuff you can watch online. And I think that Spike will understand why he is all of a sudden eating mockingbird stew 🙂 Yeah, choices like that really suck.

  12. Where’s my comment. I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!

  13. WTF? I left you a huge-ass (and hilarious!) comment yesterday, and it’s not here.

    Okay, it wasn’t really that funny.

  14. Well, damn, woman, where’d it go?
    You’re just saying that to make me feel better.
    No, wait a sec. Sorry. That was somebody else!

  15. It was that funny. OK. I didn’t see it but what I imagine you wrote was exactly that funny.

    I’m thinking of taking a job as a disagreer. Can one get money for that?

  16. If they hire you, let me know. I had no idea I could list disagreeability as a marketable skill.

  17. as a broke college student, I was also thinking about gifts and such and here is the idea I had: epic limericks for people. Maybe not book-sized, but like 20 or 30 limericks about a person can really show them that you spent time thinking about them.

    Or yeah, just jack their iPod and give it back. That always works!

  18. antimother Says:

    I sure hope your situation has improved by now. I do know exactly what you mean. My checking account is in the red and I have some decisions to make too. I’m thinking of cutting back to basic cable. Like another poster said, none of my shows are on anyway due to the writer’s strike.

    It did not help that we had an almost $700 vet bill a week before Christmas.

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